Sometimes, things suck.
There are things that happen in life that you can’t – and shouldn’t – be immediately forced to see in a positive light.
Controversial topic for the inaugural post on a positivity focused blog?
Probably.
Is it a lie?
Nope.
There are things that happen in life that are bad. No one wants them to happen, no matter what good may come from them. We don’t care that in 20 years we might look back fondly on the memories, or that if X hadn’t happened, then we never would have done Y. Later doesn’t matter because it’s now we have to deal with.
Example: When I was 16, I had a best friend. Not only was he my best friend, I was also head over heels in love with him. We were taking tentative steps towards the transition from friends to more when he died.
It was awful. No question about it. That singular event snowballed into a massive avalanche of bad decision-making and situational errors that shook every screw I had loose, and then put them back in all the wrong places.
Did good things come from it? Sure, eventually.
Did people immediately start trying to make me feel better about it? Yes, nearly everyone.
Did it help? Not one iota. And you know what? They never should have tried.
I know there are some people reading who won’t agree. These are the well-meaning people who often say the words and phrases that one is supposed to say when something crappy happens. Things like, “They’re in a better place.” Or “Everything happens for a reason.” Or any of those other platitudes that society has become so fluent in.
I understand the urge. I’ve done it plenty of times. I’m guessing that the people who do this the most are like me and either grew up in a church or are now regular church goers. Do I have something against these people? Of course not. I say this because, in the church, we’re conditioned to believe that any negative emotion regarding trials and tribulations we’re faced with is sinful, blasphemous, and unworthy because we must suffer in order to get our ultimate reward.
Well, I call bullsh*t.
While I wholeheartedly agree with finding the positive in a bad situation (obviously, since it’s the concept I’m building this blog on), I also believe that attempting to minimize uncomfortable feelings or painful emotions is wrong. Not only wrong, but unnatural.
For those who, like me, have been led to believe that we have to shut off our (perfectly healthy and normal) human emotions in order to be ‘worthy’, I’d like to direct your attention to a scripture that perhaps you never really paid attention to, or maybe forgotten about.
Jesus wept.
John 11:35 – KJV
Why did Jesus weep?
He was sad. His friend, Lazarus, had died. What was going to happen in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years didn’t matter. It mattered that, in that moment, his friend was gone and it made him sad. And so, Jesus wept.
Moral of this story and ultimate point of this article? It’s okay to acknowledge that sometimes things just suck. Being angry and unhappy about something that has happened doesn’t make you a terrible human being. It just makes you a human being. There is more harm in stuffing those feelings down – and in trying to force someone else to do it – than there is in feeling them and then making them work for you.
The goal of this blog isn’t to reinforce the belief that there’s something wrong with being upset about an event in your life. I don’t want to minimize any of the things you might feel. I only want to show that it is possible to take some of those things that happen and twist how you think about them in such a way that they promote positive growth.
Whether you’re traditionally religious, spiritual, agnostic, atheist, or a fifteen headed booblesnout from a small moon orbiting Saturn, doesn’t matter to me. Your ability to balance and deal with the good and the bad does.
I welcome you, I love you, and I thank you for reading.
If something here caught your attention and you want to talk about it, leave a comment down below and let’s have a conversation. Or if you’d rather keep it private, shoot me a message via my Contact page. You can also sign up if you’d like to get any future posts in your inbox (about one a week). If not, I hope you make your way back regularly. ~K