Episode 03 – Don’t Be Someone’s Part-Time – Transcript
Hey everyone, welcome to Twisted Thinking, the podcast that helps you keep your thoughts flexible.
My name is Kristin and today we are talking about a meme. Uhm, this meme… I saw it and I just immediately thought about how awful it was.
I even asked my wife to read it to see her reaction and her first words were, “No, just no.”
At first glance, I guess it could seem OK, but when you actually pay attention to it, it’s just really bad.
So, what is the meme?
Well, it says on a lovely purple background:
“Don’t be someone’s down time spare time, part time or sometime. If they can’t be there for you all the time, they’re not even worth your time.”
All right, what does this mean? When I read it, the immediate meaning I get is that if someone is not 100% available to you 100% of the time you need to get rid of them.
The more sinister implication I see is that it’s saying you should be as selfish and self-centered as the people you’re supposed to be shunning, Or the opposite of that – and I think this might even be worse – It could be construed that it’s saying you yourself have to be 100% available to everyone 100% of the time in order to be worthy of other people being there for you.
And then the last thing I see is the innuendo that if someone isn’t there for you every time you need them, they just don’t care about you. They see you as filler or a fluff piece in their lives.
In some cases, I’m not going to lie, of course this could be true, but I wouldn’t feel wrong in saying that most of the time this is just not the case.
My example.
My friend’s circle is small but strong. My friends are my family. Some of them I’ve known more than two decades, and some I’ve only known a tiny fraction of that time. There’s a wide diversity of beliefs and colors and sexualities and political stances and genders, and it’s basically a sample bag of all the different flavors available in this lifetime. Of all the things that we — of all the differences that we have, we all have one thing in common, and that is that we are busy.
I’m talking kids, spouses, parents, siblings, pets, work, hobbies, side hustles school girlfriends, boyfriends, not to mention other friends and of course there’s the all-important self-care. Our lives are just freaking full. Downtime is practically non-existent, and half the time when we get that down time, it’s just enough to let our brains relax, take a deep breath, and get ready for the next Sprint.
So, two of my best friends are gals whom I have known since middle and high school.
We have been through everything together from death of other friends, suicide attempts, runaways, expulsion, trouble with the law, you name it, and we have probably been through it.
These girls are my tribe, I would do anything on Earth for them.
However, one of them has an almost 5-year-old daughter that I have never met.
The other has a teenager who I’ve only met in person a handful of times.
And neither one of them have ever met my wife of almost six years.
We have a WhatsApp group that we drop pictures and other tidbits in when we get time and that’s how we keep up and we try and plan, you know like a – a group video call now and then but something usually gets in the way.
We’ve – I think we’ve gotten one in since I’ve lived here in Berlin.
Does that mean that I should drop them because I’m not front and center in their lives?
Or that they should drop me for the same reason?
According to this meme, of course.
This meme is saying if someone doesn’t drop everything every time you need them then they don’t care about you and therefore you shouldn’t care about them.
You should just cut them out of your life.
It’s speaking in an absolute without taking into account that there are other forces at work. There are other things in people’s lives that take priority over you.
Is that an unpopular opinion?
Absolutely. No one wants to think that they’re second or third or 10th on the list, but it is the truth, right? Nobody, nobody wants to — Not everybody can come in first place.
So as I mentioned, my friends are family, my brothers, they’re my sisters and some are even my kids.
But just because they are my family doesn’t mean they take priority over my faith, my wife or my mental and physical well-being.
Some people will call that selfish and it might sound that way on the surface, but when you dig, you’ll see that when those I’m closest to — and I’m including myself in that — are taken care of and content that frees a lot of my time and energy up to focus on other people so I can then give more of myself, which contributes to, you know, the world happiness as a whole.
I said earlier that this meme was being sinister in that it was telling you to be selfish and now I’m saying that being selfish is good and I’m quite sure that you’re going, “Kristin, you can’t have it both ways. What do you mean by that?”
Well, I stand by both statements because the act of taking care of your responsibilities first has been wrongly criminalized in today’s world, and it’s been defined as selfishness when in fact it’s a form of selflessness.
You have a responsibility to take care of yourself so that you can then take care of those that depend on you, and then once that’s taken care of, you can then spread it out into the world.
In contrast, there is a selfishness that actually is selfish, and you can tell the difference by the cruelty level.
This meme is a perfect example.
It’s cruel.
It’s telling you to kick people out of your life without considering what’s going on in theirs.
It’s telling you to mindlessly think only of yourself and what you want rather than what might be best for the other person. In my mind, this is just promoting strife in a world that is overflowing with more than enough strife as it is. I cannot imagine that that is a world that any of us want to live in.
Maybe this understanding comes with age, or maybe it’s something that has to be experienced first-hand, or maybe it’s even my faith that has taught me but.
There are two truths in this lifetime that I feel are important to keep in mind.
The first is this:
You matter. You’re special. You’re unique.
You serve a distinct purpose in this world.
You, as an individual, are priceless.
Behind that truth is another, and it’s the only logical thing that can follow.
Other people matter too.
Other people are special, other people are unique and other people serve a distinct purpose in this world.
Other people are priceless.
We can’t forget that because if we do then this life becomes just about us, and we missed the entire point. I think that this meme disregards that second truth completely, and I feel that it’s very dangerous.
What about you? Do you think there is any validity in the to the mindset of this meme? Or do you agree with me? Let me know.
That’s all for today. If something I said caught your attention and you want to continue the conversation, leave a review. I’d also like to invite you to my discord server. It’s free to join, just click on the link in the show notes. And I have to thank my patrons without them none of this would be possible.
Thank you so much for listening until next time be blessed and stay twisted.